Let me come in where you are weeping, friend,
And let me take your hand.
I, who have known a sorrow such as yours, can understand.
Let me come in -- I would be very still beside you in your grief;
I would not bid you cease your weeping, friend,
Tears bring relief.
Let me come in -- and hold your hand,
For I have known a sorrow such as yours,
And understand.
-Grace Noll Crowell
1877 - 1969
I saw this poem and thought it was so appropriate for the JADES blog group. This is a place where we can be very still beside you in grief, a place where there are no judgments, and a place for encouragement and comfort.
My son Brandon died August 16, 1999. I often hear the term "lost", but I didn't lose Brandon, he died in a drowning. There are so many ways that we describe death, but the raw indescribable pain of a child's death could only be understood by another parent who has had a child die due to whatever circumstances took that child's life.
It has been 10 years since Brandon's death. The raw pain has been replaced by a capricious sort of peace. A new normal has set in and days are filled with love, laughter and the hectic schedule of being a Mother, Grandmother and Safe Kids Coordinator. There are the quiet times though when the part of my heart that is missing seems like a giant chasm. These times are less frequent even though the reality of Brandon's death will always be with me. I am fortunate and grateful to have people in my life who understand, listen and love me where ever I am in the journey. I have safe places to talk about Brandon without the fear of the "you should have moved on by now" thinking.
This is my hope for JADES. That it will be a safe place for you to come to share your child, talk to others who are on this path, and find a way to advocate and move through, not on.
So let me come in friend, and take your hand. I, who have known a sorrow such as yours, can understand....
Kim Patrick
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Kim...this is a beautiful welcoming to the tender hearts who have found or not a capricious sort of peace. You offer an outstretched hand for anyone drowning in pain and sorrow. You are a gift.
ReplyDeleteThose words Kim are very true, we will never "get over it", "move on", those words are very hurtful. For many in those travelling the beginning road of their grief they are angry, hurt, seeking answers and most of all sometimes very misunderstood. Every parent who loses a child will never forget their tragedy, we re-live it everyday in our minds and hearts. I will never forget finding my 34 month old in our pool and i will also never forget the abandonment I felt that either and days,months past it. People can share, listen and reach out to others and hold others on the path that we all share on the path of eternal grief. I am only two years on this journey I hope its get better I have found advocacy to be a very proactive place to direct my anger and frustration towards the inadequate pool laws in our Country (Australia). I hope to meet you Kim when you are here next week, your words are so powerful to read. What a wonderful place JADES has created for all.
ReplyDeleteKim, It strikes me how generous you are by placing yourself and your grief in a place where other people have access. Thank you for being willing to reach out to help others who find themselves in a place of grief.
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to post my blog on my journey of our advocacy here in Australia, if you wish to follow it and keep in touch you are more than welcome. http://hannahsfoundation.blogspot.com/ please free to post questions to my blog and I will be happy to answer them.
ReplyDeleteIt is a brave and generous action to share your grief so that others can feel not so alone in their grief. I fully support your mission and I hope that my work of raising awareness of drowning risks can contribute positively to avoiding the almost unbearable loss of a child. Please let me know if I can do anything to help your organization - I'll be tweeting and blogging about it to spread the word among my contacts. RebeccaSaveKids and http://rebeccasavekids.wordpress.com
ReplyDeleteKim, Your first entry is beautiful and comforting. You are so right. The years have not erased the pain. It evolved. The intense, searing anguish resolved into a dull ache that surfaces during important life-events when I feel my drowned child's absence more intently. My precious Alicea drowned in a neighbor's unsecured above-ground swimming pool on May 26, 1988--a week before her fourth birthday. I remember like it was yesterday, how I struggled to fight hysteria as I performed CPR on Alicea's cold, limp body. In the wee hours of the morning, after medical professionals finally pronounced her dead, I rocked her one last, everlasting time and silently vowed that her death would not be in vain. Afterwards, I channeled all my grief and rage into a state-wide drowning prevention campaign. Eventually, after years of work, the Pa.state building code was amended to reflect the updated swimming pool and spa barrier code, however the law was "grandfathered," meaning that it applied only to new construction. Existing pools were not required to comply. Sadly, that is where many of the drownings occur now. There is still so much work to do. I encourage all parents who have suffered this unspeakable loss to join us in our fight to make the world a safer place for all children.
ReplyDelete"...and know that all the Blessed Dead are standing about you, watching.--Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet
Peace and comfort to us all,
Beverly Payton