A New Year
For most of the world the New Year starts with the making of resolutions, or the feeling of having a fresh start. For the grieving parent, the New Year is marked by the passage of time since our child died. Often, we live through the year thinking about what we are missing with our child. What would they be doing in 2010? What would our lives look like if they were still here?
For me, I am making conscious changes in my approach to this New Year. Instead of focusing on how my heart aches with missing Brandon (this year would be year number eleven) and what he would be doing or what he would be like this year, I am resolute to think of all the wonderful people and blessings that have come my way since his death and of the wonderful possibilities for 2010. I believe that if too much time is spent remembering sadness and tragedy, you will continue to live sadness and tragedy today. If we can remember the blessings and happy times and focus on the opportunities that have been afforded us to make a difference, we will be living that in the present moment instead. I don’t usually make resolutions, but this year my resolution or as defined, my “firmness of purpose” it to continue to look for the opportunities for growth and how to make this year an opportunity to make positive changes for me and others.
Brandon may not be here physically this year, but I know he is with me and I am amazed at how he gifts me with wisdom each and every year that goes by.
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JADES is designed to be a "safe place" for people to reach out and communicate with others who have experienced the death of a loved one to drowning or whose loved one has suffered injury from drowning with the intention of guiding each other on our personal journey toward advocacy.
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JADES works best if you sign in first and become a "follower." Posts are made by JADES Administrators and then "followers" can post comments regarding any post.
Any previous post can be read by viewing the Blog Archive below. Comments can be read by clicking on the "comments" button found at the bottom of each post.
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The opinions expressed by JADES participants, JADES followers, and those providing comments are theirs alone, and do not reflect the opinions of the National Drowning Prevention Alliance, its Board of Directors, its Advisory Council, or any employee thereof. The National Drowning Prevention Alliance is not responsible for the accuracy of any of the information supplied by JADES participants.
The New Year is hard without your child. I know mine just reminds me he is gone. However, you are right, we need to find purpose and my purpose is to make sure my little guys death is not in vain. He was the child that day. It was the responsibility of the adults to make sure he was safe in a home with a pool. For him, I will continue to work with others to find a purpose. Thank you for your story.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comment. I think that for us it is important to find meaning in the face of the tradgedy. We can find the opportunities to make very positive changes and our pupose is to honor our children by moving ahead, remembering the good things and helping others to know about the dangers to keep other children safe.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you 100%. We have to honor our children by helping other families never have to go through what we have. It gives purpose to something that seems so senseless. I admire your resolution, Kim. It sounds like a good goal for me, too. I will admit though, sometimes my aching heart takes me back to what would have been...but I just have to think of the smiling face of my son, and know that the last thing he would have wanted was for me to dwell in sorrow. So I lift my chin and do what I can to honor him and his memory. Thank you so much for starting this blog. I think we will have alot of healing here in 2010, and hopefully, God willing, do alot of good. :)
ReplyDeleteI am so glad that you are finding this blog useful. I too think that there will be healing in 2010 and beyond. It is so wonderful and healing to be able to share and talk about ways to honor our children, as well helping others, so they do not have to face this kind of tradgedy. Thank you for your comments
ReplyDeleteHello! I am new to this site and am so happy I came across it. I lost my daughter, Edna Mae, August 3, 2009. We have since set up a foundation to honor her and also help raise awareness to drowning prevention, it is www.ednamaemcgovernfoundation.com. I never realized how large of a community this is and I am grateful to have found you. Losing a child is heartbreaking, but losing one to a drowning is almost unbarable. It seems people expect us to be "over it" and I think to myself I will never be over it. We lost our beautiful 19 month old daughter 8 months ago -Saturday. I try to fight off the guilt but at times it overpowers me. I was (am) her mother, I was supposed to protect her and I didn't. We rae determined to help make a change in any way we can. Thank you again for making a place for all of us to come too.
ReplyDeleteCassie
Hi,
ReplyDeleteI am so glad that you found our website blog as well. We hope this is a place that you can come with your thoughts, feelings and ideas to share with others who have experienced the loss of a child through a drowning. It is my hope that we can talk about our feelings of guilt, and anguish, as well as find ways to turn the energy into advocacy. Thank you for sharing your daughter with us.
Hi,
ReplyDeleteI just found this site, today. Tomorrow marks a month since my daughter drowned. I find it unbearable. I am always at loss for words. I find it hard to interact with people who don't know this is like. I blame myself always even though it was an accident and we had plenty of people in the house. I went to get dry clothes for my girls. I left their life support on until i could double check the pool. When I came out of the room..I found nobody had listened to me...and my baby girl was face down in the pool. Sometimes, I hate myself..and sometimes I hate everyone else. When your child drowns..there are not any goodbyes. I'm glad to find a place where people can relate.